Hello my name is Sibella Bresciani.

This is how my story started finding out that there are events that are inevitable and that I can not control.

When I was 33 years old I was diagnosed with several tumors in my uterus so I had to have a total hysterectomy. I had to take hormone replacement in a gel form.

In 1995 I was diagnosed with skin cancer in my forehead, the doctor removed it and I found out that I have a high risk of skin cancer due to my light complexion and sun damage.

In March of 2019 I had a mammogram and I was diagnosed with Invasive ductal carcinoma ,HR positive ,stage 2. I had two choices, either lumpectomy and radiation or full mastectomy with NO radiation or chemotherapy, but with Hormone blocker in pills, due that my Oncotype test score was less than 20.

I decided to have the total mastectomy so the operation was performed in June of 2019.

I had total mastectomy with the removal of five lymph nodes and a set of expanders for three month (expanders are similar to implants with the differences that are very hard, painful and uncomfortable). From June of 2019 to September 2019 I was in physical pain as much as emotional pain for all the changes that were happening in my life. Also not feeling well due to the Hormone blocker therapy.

In September of 2019 I had my first set of implant, everything was well until I realized that even with physical therapy my left arm was always in pain, specially under the arm and pectoral muscle, also I did developed cording (cording is like a vein that developed in my case from my fingers to all the way under my arm), Due to some problems with the doctor I had to made a hard decision and find another doctor. I went to see several doctors before I made the decision, I was under a lot of stress and anxiety.
This new doctor told me the same thing that I needed a new set of implants and that I needed to have my pectoral muscle feather (cut) so I could have a full range of motions.

I had my second reconstruction in June of 2020, this time was even worse, the operation was not successful and besides having pain in my arms, pectoral muscle, tightness, shoulder, neck, back pain and more, my left breast was all the way high almost in my neck, my left breast never dropped, even going to physical therapy, the breast stayed the same.

I got the Covid one week after my operation.

I had my third reconstruction in October of 2020, only on my left breast. This time the doctor not only cut even more of my pectoral muscle but the doctor did not put the Mesh (Mesh is something that they put under your breast so they can hold it in place).My left breast was like one inch or more lower than the right breast this time. I had a lot of pain in my hand, arm, pectoral muscle and shoulder.

A week after my operation I had to go to emergency because the pupil in my right eye was very dilated. The oncologist thought that maybe it was a mini stroke.
After Mastectomy and three reconstructions I was emotionally overloaded, trying to cope with anxiety, not knowing how much I must endure.

I was in constant pain, frustrated, I just couldn’t cope with my anguish anymore.
After about two month of a lot of research, not sleeping at night ,talking to other cancer survivors, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life.

Either continue having more operations or just get rid of my implants and never have breasts again. I decided to explant, knowing that probably a lot of new physical and emotional changes and thoughts were going to come with this decision and maybe stay forever with me.

I went to see a new doctor.

My fifth operation was October 6 of 2021. It was very successful, thanks to this wonderful doctor at MCI.

Even though it was a successful, the doctor told me that I had cancer (skin cancer) on my right breast.

So, It was meant for me to remove my breast, thank God I did it just on time.

I became part of the flat world, ( that is what is called to a woman that does not have breasts).

AESTHETIC FLAT CLOSURE is called when the doctor removes extra skin and your chest is totally flat.

Due to so many operations, I am still in therapy and still have pain in my pectoral muscles, back, and neck and sometimes my arm, especially the left side.

It has been over two and half years on this journey and I am still walking on this pathway, but I feel much better physically and emotionally. I thought that I was going to be traumatized without breasts but instead I feel released, with the sense of freedom.

Very seldom I have a felling of sadness about my physical change.

I do believe that my breast never really defines me as a woman.

For now I must go on with my therapy and try to recuperate physically and emotionally from this long journey. For sure my life will never be the same.

I thank God for all the wisdom and strength that he has given me and continue giving me.
I thank my family and some of my friends that stayed and still are here with me supporting me all the way.
Like I always say, “Never the victim, always the fighter, never the loser, always the warrior.”

Sibella Bresciani